Today I turn sixty
years of age.
So how does it feel to be 60? Mostly thankful and
thoughtful. I am happy, healthy, and enjoy my life. But any major life
transition is a complex mosaic of emotions, and at the risk of TMI, here is my
best effort to capture them:
1) I can’t believe that I am still married to, and madly in
love with, the same woman I met when I was 18 years old - and that she is still
as beautiful as the day I met her. Our relationship remains my greatest joy and
probably always will be.
2) I do not feel the least bit old. My eyesight and my
waistline beg to differ sometimes, but at least in the latter case I hope to do
something about it this coming year. Still, I honestly feel that 60 is the new
30.
3) I will probably never stop working. Nor do I ever plan to
sit, beer in hand, in front of a television for days (or even hours) on end. The
thought of a permanent vacation sounds like anathema to me. But I do find
myself using the “R” word (retirement) a lot more often now.
Whenever it happens, my idea of retirement will probably be
crazier than other people’s. There are things I hope to always do as long as I
am vertical, like my psychotherapy practice, my annual teaching gig at Cornell,
or writing for my favorite clients. And I will still speak when it is
interesting and fun. At times, I will still be extremely busy. But I will
consciously start winding down things I do just to make a living.
4) I haven’t punched in at a job for many years now, and am
reaching the happy conclusion that I hopefully never will. There are few things
I am more proud of than having supported my household entirely through
self-employment for much of the past two decades. God has been very kind to me
in providing wonderful clients and great opportunities every year, and I am
extremely thankful.
So finally, what about the whole question of, you know,
getting older?
I probably felt more mortal – and worried more about it –
when I was in my 20s and 30s than I do now. I enjoy life more now, one day at a
time, than I did then. And I am not alone: studies show, for example, that 85
year olds are among the happiest people.
But I am more aware than ever of our
own mortality. For example, my father and his only sibling – two of the most
successful people I’ve ever known – did not survive the
decade I am now entering. So I value time like I never have before.
Of course, I hope to fare better than they did. I often
tell my wife our old parish priest’s joke that I have an “un-dying” love for
her. But my departed family members have given me a gift: an urgency to not
trade precious time for things that aren’t important. For example, I am sure all
those articles telling us to keep working and delay Social Security are technically
correct – but after watching too many people I love never get to retire at all,
I am probably unwilling to trade more sunsets with Colleen for much of their
advice.
So overall, what is it like turning 60? I hope it is a way
station on a path, and many years from now I hope to be a bit like the late Hedda
Bolger – a psychotherapist who, at age 102, was still seeing clients and teaching
online training programs. In the meantime, I am very glad to reach this great
age.
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