My failed attempt at a midlife crisis

I’ve been writing nonfiction books for a long time – and after 12 years and $1/2 million in gross sales, it finally dawned on me that something wasn’t right about it.

You see, since I make much of my living as a writer, the advances and royalties for each of my books have always gone into the general fund, to pay for things like heating bills, dental appointments and kitty litter. But one night, it struck me that while writing books was something I did in my quote-unquote spare time, I’ve never done anything substantial to reward myself for it.

So, I hatched a plot. The next time I got a contract for a book, I would get something I always wanted: a white Ford Mustang. Something where, every time I slipped behind the wheel, I would go, “ahh, I earned this by writing a great book”. Soon I was explaining to my spouse of nearly 30 years that since I already had a trophy wife, I needed this car to have a proper midlife crisis, and she enthusiastically agreed.

So over the past week, I got some great news: word of a two-book deal from Amacom for my latest projects, one a book of humorous business fables, and the other a new project on the psychology of giving people feedback (more about that later). After a suitable celebration, I did the math: after tithing to charity, taking care of the IRS, and doing something nice for my sweetie, I could afford a couple of years of payments on the car of my dreams. So off I went to the Ford dealer, with trade-in estimates, pricing figures, and a big smile on my face.

It turned out they had the perfect car for me: a white former rental, equipped exactly as I wanted, for a great price. So I got behind the wheel, took it on a test drive, and loved every minute of it, until it dawned on me: I was getting a headache.

I flashed back to two years ago, when I rented a Mustang convertible for my 50th birthday. I loved the car, but all that weekend I had an eyestrain headache from what I felt was a distorted windshield – so much so that I reported it as a defect when I returned to the rental counter. I was hoping this was just a problem with one car, but unfortunately not. Mustangs have very short, curved windshields, I am an old fogey who has astigmatism and wears bifocals, and for some reason the two of us don’t get along.

Not quite willing to give up, I decided to rent a Mustang for one last gasp to try to make it work. I would adjust my seat, wear different glasses, whatever. I *wanted* this car. When I shared this with the salesperson – a great guy at a great dealership – he checked with his management and graciously loaned me the car I was considering for the evening.

So off I drove, bound and determined. I raised my seat. I lowered my seat. I wore my old “driving glasses” without the bifocals. I tried to stare straight ahead and avoid the curved parts of the windshield. No use. Splitting headache. Finally I found something that sort of helped – looking off to the side periodically. But soon I discovered that (a) it’s a really, really good idea to look straight ahead while you are driving, and (b) now my neck was bothering me.

So, I lost this round. The midlife crisis will have to wait. But in the meantime, at least I’m getting the opportunity to publish a couple of really great books – stay tuned!

Mystification

I have been doing some graduate work in psychology this year, and recently came across a term from the great existential psychologist R.D. Laing that explains more than half of what goes wrong with bad customer transactions, or bad human communications in general: mystification.

According to Laing, when people don’t want to answer something directly, they instead choose to mystify the other person: for example, when a child asks “What does Uncle Louie do, Dad?”, a parent may say something like, “Oh, he’s a second story man” and never actually answer the question – so that he doesn’t have to go into detail about how he can’t stand Uncle Louie.

I was reminded of Laing this morning when I called my local phone company. They recently offered to combine my wireless and regular phone bills, without telling me that between the size of the combined amount and their obstreperous policies, there was now NO grace period on paying my phone bill. (Not a good thing, as much as I travel, to come back from a two-week trip and find your phone has been disconnected.)

So I called the phone company and the conversation went something like this:

-I asked the agent why I suddenly had no grace period, and he explained that bills were due by their due date.
-I asked the agent again why I suddenly had no grace period, and he explained that I could contact them if I know my payment is going to be late.
-I asked the agent *again* why I suddenly had no grace period, and he explained how many days I had to pay after receiving a final disconnection notice.

See a pattern here? After about the fourth time around this merry-go-round, I responded with some choice things that you won’t find in most communications skills books, and then finally got escalated to a supervisor who straightened things out.

Sadly, this seems to be a trend among many people who work in my former profession of call centers, particularly with the rise of using scripted responses. But I will bet any amount of money that this phone company spent much more time on the phone with me than if they had just condescended to answer my question – and in fact, they came very close to losing a longtime customer.

So meanwhile, if you feel that answering-by-not-answering is a good strategy for you and your customer contact teams, I have one word for you: I am mystified.

Bye-Bye, Mr. Imus

By now, everyone who has been within 50 feet of a television over the past month has heard the news about longtime radio personality Don Imus being fired after making a hurtful, racist remark about Rutgers University’s women’s basketball team. He paid a steep price for his actions, thanks in no small part to trashing a very classy group of young women at what should have been a special moment in their lives.

The Imus flap should have never, ever happened. But now that it did, perhaps some greater good can come from it, starting with what you and I watch and listen to every day.

Nearly a quarter century ago, the airwaves in major cities where I lived became increasingly dominated by “shock jocks” who built their reputations around a barrage of crude sexual, racial and ethnic jokes. As they made a career of dancing along the edge of the cliff, trying to push the boundaries of good taste, a few would inevitably fall off, often as a result of racial jibes similar to Imus’s. But for a far greater number of these people, their reward was fame and riches.

Fast forwarding to the present, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the airwaves are now dominated by rudeness and incivility, because it sells. We watch cable news hosts who berate and interrupt their guests, listen to radio personalities who make a career of chortling and demeaning everyone who disagrees with their narrow partisan viewpoints, and create bestselling authors from people whose sense of humor borders on hate speech. We eat it up, because it’s much more fun to watch a train wreck than the banality of positive human fellowship.

Most of us laugh, and cringe, and then laugh some more. And we keep watching, listening, and reading, because at some level they entertain us. But the darker issue is that they are also educating us. For example, if you look at the comments that people post on-line in public forums nowadays, this rude, dismissive view of people and their differences has become the new vox populi, and doesn’t show any sign of changing soon.

But now we have a real opportunity to change all of this. In the wake of the Imus affair, people are starting to pay more attention to how we treat our fellow human beings. There is a dialogue unfolding, even on some of the offending cable news shows, about what we can learn from a situation with such a clear and obvious bad guy. Perhaps most important, we learned that we all have real economic power to decide what stays on the air: Imus was ultimately fired because many of his advertisers abandoned ship, driven by pressure from people like you and me.

So let’s keep the momentum going. Stop seeking your entertainment from people who make a career of mocking and degrading other human beings. Start getting your news from objective sources. Hold advertisers accountable for the programs they sponsor. Then, perhaps someday, we can all thank Mr. Imus for galvanizing us to stop our media – and our society – from its current death spiral into partisanship and disrespect.

How to tell people to go away - happy

On our way to Philadelphia this week, my wife and I stopped at a nice hotel en route to use their rest room – like we have done zillions of times before. Except this time, a snippy front desk clerk accosted us and said “Sorry, sir, our rest rooms are for hotel guests only.”

It is, of course, their God-given right to keep people off of their private property. And it doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that other people’s misbehavior has probably led their management to crack down. (They are the first hotel after a l-o-n-g stretch of freeway.) But still, what do you think my wife’s reaction was? “How rude! I’ll never stay at this place again!”

My reaction was a little different, given my interests in communications skills. I was thinking, “She must have to say this to dozens of people a day, and I’ll bet a lot of them get upset with her. That must be no fun!”

So, how do you tell someone that they can no longer use your rest room, and still send them away happy? By acknowledging their needs and speaking to their interests. It’s part of what psychologists call “social cognition” – we quickly divide people into friends and foes, and when you avoid “foe” language, it becomes really hard for people to stay angry. No matter what you are telling them.

So here’s what I would say:

(Step 1: Acknowledge their needs) “I can help you find a public restroom.”
(Step 2: Speak to their interests) “Ours are reserved for hotel guests, but you can find a public one less than half a block away at the Exxon station. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Does it feel natural to say things like this? No! It feels like wearing a t-shirt backwards, because our human nature is to protect ourselves and focus on what the other person “can’t” do. But when you learn and practice responses like these for your most challenging situations, everything changes between you and others.

Do you work in a negative workplace?

We all have our New Years resolutions. Mine is to keep learning, keep growing, and share new ways to help us all communicate better in the workplace - and that's where you folks come in. I'd like your opinions on one of the next major areas I'd like to address, beyond my firm's flagship customer skills and coaching programs.

As I travel around delivering organizational training, the single biggest complaint I hear from people - often whispered in private - is how much negativity and conflict there is in their workplaces. Whether it is between managers and staff, between different departments, or between individual co-workers, there is a great deal of stress and pain in the workplace.

What I also hear is that most traditional "Dealing with Negativity" training programs simply don't work. A staple of motivational speakers and local trainers, these programs generally exhort everyone to be nicer - and the people who need it the most generally roll their eyes and don't change anything.

I know there is a better way. We fundamentally get into conflicts because (a) we have different personalities with different expectations, and (b) we don't know how to communicate in ways that help us get more of what we want - and these are skills that everyone can learn. When I have personally helped "turn around" negative workplaces before, it has been less a matter of telling people to be less negative, and more one of teaching everyone how to communicate better.

I'm also torn about how to title such a program. No one wants to proudly hang a graduation certificate on their wall from a "Workplace Negativity" program - especially when what they have really learned are a new set of interpersonal and leadership skills. But using it in the program title certainly grabs people's attention and gets them saying "wow, we need that here".

So what kinds of negativity issues do you have at your workplace? If you were bringing me in to do a workshop with your team, what areas would you like to see people learn to change? And how would you title such a program? Let me know at rich at rsgallagher.com. Thanks!

The Last Word

Before humor columnist Art Buchwald passed away this week, he did something that was, well, pretty much in character for him. He recorded a video obituary for the New York Times, which starts off with a cheerful, “Hi, I’m Art Buchwald, and I just died.” (Click here to watch it.)

It turns out that this is actually part of a new trend at the Times, and in a CNN interview, the reporter who spoke with Buchwald also claims to have several other Last Word interviews “in the can”, with subjects ranging from a former President of the United States to a noted scientist.

It was fascinating to watch Buchwald’s video obituary, which in sum total was a touching retrospective of a life well lived – particularly for a man who overcame a tough childhood, a struggling early career and frequent bouts of depression to brighten our lives with his books and columns. But what stuck with me the most was his simple answer to the question, “How would you like to be remembered?” Without hesitation, he replied, “As someone who made people laugh.”

So how would I like to be remembered? If I were about to be run over by a beer truck tomorrow, I’d have to say as a loving husband, a good friend, and hopefully as someone who, in a small way, helped people communicate better in the workplace. But it struck me that I’d like to be able to say much more than that.

I’ve never particularly cared for fame, riches, or personal aggrandizement – none of which you can take with you anyway. It doesn’t really matter to me whether anyone remembers me by name (except my wife and family, of course!). But there is so much more to learn about how we communicate, and still so much pain in many of our daily working and living relationships, that I’d like to leave this all-too-short life leaving behind a bigger contribution than I have. So – thanks to you, Art – I realize that I have a lot more work to do, God willing.

So, what would your video obituary say? And how would you like to be remembered?

Higher education: the workplace of the future?

“Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.” –attributed to Henry Kissenger

This quote was one of the favorite sayings of my late father, an academic who eventually rose through the ranks to become a university president. But looking back over the last few years, I’m not sure that the stakes are so low any more.

Because I live and work in the shadow of Cornell University, and began my own career as a campus service employee, I frequently get invited to work with teams of university employees all over the country, ranging from deans to dining workers – and looking back at training several thousand people on campuses over the past few years, I feel that in many cases they have become the prototype for the competitive workplace of the future.

The pressures on campuses nowadays are many, including competition for a declining percentage of college-age students, increasing financial constraints, and a world whose knowledge needs are growing by leaps and bounds. But what’s impressive – and exciting to me, as an organizational development person – is how many colleges are responding to these pressures. Many are now viewing students as customers, seeing the globe as their classroom, and shifting their focus from simply teaching subjects to developing young – and not-so-young – leaders. The end result is that on many college campuses, there has been more change in the last five years than in the fifty that preceded them.

What this means for me personally is that campus leaders are among the most open-minded and innovative management thinkers I have seen, and it has been a true pleasure to help them examine their core workplace values, change the way they manage and coach people, and develop service quality levels that would be the envy of most businesses. If you want to see what the workplace of the future will look like, most of us should – literally – go back to school.

* * *

Special note for my friends in the health care profession here in upstate New York - I am leading a workshop just for you, entitled "Customer Survival Skills for Your Health Care Practice", at the Academy of Medicine in Rochester, NY on January 25. For details on this and other public seminars from yours truly, visit www.pointofcontactgroup.com/seminars.

Don't live in the Northeast? Not a problem! Contact me through the website above to learn more about how to bring my communications skills, coaching and workplace culture programs in-house to your team. Here's to a successful 2007 for you and your workplace!

Wisdom from Dr. Dan

I was interviewed this morning by business expert Dr. Dan Strakal, host of the syndicated radio program “Business Buzz”, (www.danradio.com) about techniques for managing customer situations. Dr. Dan prepares very well for his shows, and at the beginning of our program he rattled off a treasure trove of statistics from various sources about the impact of high service quality. For example:

-Customers are 5 times more likely to leave a business over service issues than they are over price or product issues.

-Firms with measurably higher service quality are able to charge substantially higher prices for their products or services.

-High-service organizations increase their market share by an average of 6% per year.

One of the most fascinating things he mentioned had nothing to do with growth or profits, however: namely, the strong correlation between high turnover and low service quality. In other words, bad service doesn’t just chase away paying customers; it also chases away the people who are cashing your paychecks.

This makes perfect sense, in that people who lack the communications and leadership skills to handle service situations invariably experience a lot of customer anger and resentment in their daily jobs – and probably feel like they are being left to twist in the wind by their management. And in my experience, all the pay raises and benefits in the world won’t fix the problem.

The irony is that this problem can usually be easily and cheaply fixed by investing in solid, skills-based training on communications techniques – and the impact on your morale, turnover, and bottom line are often nothing short of incredible. Make sure that whatever approach you choose focuses on specific techniques rather than platitudes, and can be customized to the unique customer scenarios of your business. (P.S. If you don't know where to start, check out www.pointofcontactgroup.com) Put this on your business shopping list for 2007, and watch what happens in your organization!

Do what you love - for a long time

Recently I was waiting for my connecting flight on a business trip to San Francisco, when an elderly man shuffled slowly into the boarding area. I didn't pay any attention to him, until he pulled out a dusty folder with drawings of steel bridges, and I caught a glimpse of his name engraved on the cover. I went over to introduce myself, and sure enough, he was one of my professors from engineering school 30 years ago!

We sat and talked, and I listened with amazement as he described life in his mid-80s - jetting all over the world as a consultant on steel suspension bridges, and flying to San Francisco this day to work on earthquake modifications for the Golden Gate bridge. As we spoke, he pulled out a picture of a man climbing precariously to the top of the highest cable of the bridge, and when I asked who that was, he said matter of factly, "Me, two years ago. I wanted to inspect the cables, and they let me go right up there."

It turns out that this man - who to this day, has never used a computer (as I tapped away on my laptop in-flight, he asked, "You say you put words in that thing?") - has been awarded some of the highest honors of the engineering profession, at an age where many of us would be playing shuffleboard in a retirement home. That, to me, is the epitome of a great life - to have a purpose, and enjoy doing it so much that your age becomes irrelevant.

My old professor is far from alone here. As I write this, I am listening to Al Jarreau scat-singing at 100 miles an hour on his album "Accentuate the Positive”, which he recorded well into his seventh decade. Peter Drucker wrote best-selling books and held court with business leaders well into his 90s. And I remember motivational speaker Norman Vincent Peale still packing them in at stadiums not long before he passed away peacefully in his sleep, on Christmas Eve, at age 95.

For those of us who are gifted with a long life, I have always felt that the road to happiness lies in what you are passionate about in the present moment. Even though it isn't unusual for me to put in 50-60 hour work weeks nowadays, I feel like I am already retired at age 51, in the sense that I am doing what I hope to do for as long as life and good health permit - writing, speaking, and waking up every morning with the same beautiful woman I met when I was 18. May we all find our own personal equivalent of that view from the top of the Golden Gate bridge, that carries us for the rest of our lives.

There’s no such thing as a free panty

Of all of the credit card bills I’ve had to pay in my life, the one I probably least expected was … a lingerie bill. Still, there I was, making out a check for a three-digit sum to pay off my wife’s Victoria’s Secret card. But what was even more fascinating, and a good business lesson for all of us, was how that balance got there in the first place.

You see, Victoria’s Secret regularly sends its credit card holders a little envelope containing something that is small in size, but devastating in its impact – a card good for a free panty, no strings attached.

On the face of it, it makes no sense at all to be giving away free merchandise. But think about it for a moment. Victoria’s Secret is a chain of small specialty stores. You don’t go there every week, like you go to the grocery store. And since sexy underwear isn’t exactly one of life’s necessities, it’s all too easy to forget about the place entirely – which Victoria’s Secret, of course, doesn’t want you to do. That’s where the free panty comes in.

Once this little card motivates you to get in your car and go to the store, people get tantalized by all the other sexy-looking merchandise in the store – and combined with their ever-so-helpful staff doing their best job of suggestive selling, they often emerge with their free panty and a lot more. And what’s more important, they feel good about it. Everybody wins, except perhaps the person in our household (that would be me) who has to pay the bill.

This got me thinking about my own business. I make my living doing training and freelance writing, and I am always giving things away free. When I do a free talk or marketing event, for example, I don’t tease them about material in my books or training programs – I let them have it right between the eyes with important skills they can take home with them that day. And you know what? I’ve probably earned more money from giving away content, and having people come back for more, than anything else I’ve ever done.

This trend of giving away things of real value for free seems to be taking hold in the public consciousness as well. For example, it used to be common practice for hucksters to give quote-unquote free seminars that were little more than teasers for their paid products. While those types are unfortunately still around, I’ve noticed that the people I respect most in my sphere of communications skills give away tons of great information for free. They have content on their website, free newsletters, free teleconferences, live chat sessions – and it’s all good stuff. And plenty of people, myself included, often come back and cross their palms with silver after coming in for their “free panty.”

So, if there is one lesson I am taking away from paying this big underwear bill, it’s a newfound respect for the company who has built a business empire out of turning so little fabric into so much profit. Take a look at what you can start giving away for free, and see what it does for – sorry, no pun intended – your bottom line.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

The recent furor over Pope Benedict XVI’s remarks about Islam raises some important issues in the relationship between major religions. But for me, it also raises an interesting point about the psycholinguistics of how we apologize to each other.

After Muslims reacted strongly to the Pope’s citation of a historical passage that offended them – one that he has since stated did not reflect his own opinion – he first said that he “sincerely regrets that certain passages of his address could have sounded offensive to the sensitivities of the Muslim faithful.” As protests continued, he added a day later that he was “deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries” to his address.”

Translation? “I’m sorry that *you* were upset about what I said.” Not the worst sentiment, but a far cry from “I am sorry that *I* did something that offended you.”

This brings up the deeper issue of why, sometimes, our own apologies aren’t good enough. Here are two reasons that I see:

1. You have to make it about you and not about them. When someone is upset at you, human nature is to defend ourselves. So we try to justify ourselves by making the other person seem too sensitive, or painting them as being part of the problem. This, in turn, makes them even more defensive and angry. That’s why apologies like “I’m sorry you reacted so badly” or “I’m sorry I overreacted to your provocation” almost never work.

There are two sides to every story, but if you are apologizing to someone, it simply isn’t the time and place for your side. Keep the focus on what you shouldn’t have done and what you will change, and you are much more likely to soothe the other person.

2. The phrase “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean what it used to. I often tell audiences that they should banish the words “I’m sorry” from their vocabulary? Huh? Really? Yes, really. Look critically at how the term is used in most conversation, and you will see that it has become a self-protective catch-phrase that conveys no regret whatsoever:

“I’m sorry, we can’t/won’t/don’t do that, sir.”
“I’m sorry. You should have been more careful.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to (fill in the blank).”

As a result, most people don’t react to these two words themselves quite the same way anymore. Instead, use the term “I apologize”, and then be specific about what you are apologizing for – for example, “I apologize for causing this problem.”

Of course, I hope and pray that the Holy Father and the Muslim community will soon resolve their differences with respect and civility on all sides. But in the meantime, there is an important lesson in this incident for all of us: how to apologize more effectively.

Thanks everyone!

As of this morning my new book Great Customer Connections reached an Amazon.com sales rank of 8,259 - ranking third among customer service books in the United States.

While Amazon sales ranks are notoriously volatile, it is still a great achievement to reach Amazon's top 10,000 out of several million books. The news is even better overseas - so far it is actually selling as well outside the US as here, and McGraw-Hill, who distributes the book worldwide, recently ranked it as their 26th top selling trade book. Kudos to my publisher AMACOM Books, who have done a truly amazing job of getting the word out about this book - over the last few weeks it has been featured in nearly every major sales, customer service and training publication. Here is a sample of some of the glowing reviews:

"I didn’t expect to learn much from a book on customer service. I’ve been developing and facilitating award-winning customer service programs for nine years. Surprisingly, I found Great Customer Connections took customer service to a new level by presenting strategies that can empower employees to handle even especially difficult situations. (Gallagher) suggested solutions for scenarios that could stump even the most expert among us ... Although the techniques are indeed “simple” (Gallagher’s quote), they are not universally taught or practiced, and they are strikingly effective."
-Kim Neubauer, Training Director, The Franklin Institute Science Museum, in Training Media Reviews, August 2006.

"Not only are his suggestions easy to adapt, they are largely simple changes. He analyzes everything from first impressions to the toughest situations. If you’re ready to wipe out customer complaints and keep your employees for years, it’s time to read this book."
-Claire Patterson, NICHE Magazine, July 2006

"Great Customer Connections provide(s) lessons in basic behavioral psychology that can translate into good service and increased business."
-Alan Caruba, Bookviews, July 2006

"Given the competitive sales landscape today, (Great Customer Connections) offers some essential strategies on how to build connections."
-Michelle Nichols, Business Week, June 2006

Finally, and most important, a big thank you to all of you who have purchased this book! (And if you haven't yet, click here to check it out on Amazon.) Always happy to hear your comments - contact me anytime at rich-at-rsgallagher.com. Thanks!

You go, Jim Leyland!

Long ago, when I used to live in Pittsburgh, I spent four years as a season ticket holder for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Those were great years to be a Pirates fan, with an all-star lineup that won their division three years in a row.

But ironically, my greatest pleasure wasn’t sitting in the stands taking in the game. It was driving to the stadium and listening to manager Jim Leyland’s pre-game show on my car radio. He was so refreshingly different from the in-your-face, win-at-all-costs types of sports coaches that I grew up with. Leyland, more than just about anyone I’ve ever heard in the sports world, seemed to understand that winning was a matter of doing the fundamentals well AND respecting and motivating your team.

This meant that when the Pirates lost a game, he could dispassionately talk about what went wrong in terms of mechanics, rather than criticizing people – and when they won, he could still see where the basics needed to improve. Never once did I ever hear this accessible, plain-spoken man say anything uncharitable about a player, even if he had just given up seven runs in an inning. More important, the way he talked about the interaction between him and his team, there was clearly a bond of respect on both sides – and he consistently got the best out of everyone, from nervous rookies to prima-donna All Stars.

Today, of course, Jim Leyland is the manager of the once-lowly Detroit Tigers, who have gone from nearly setting a modern-day loss record in 2003 to the best record in baseball today – and to listen to him talk following a recent losing streak, it’s clear that his approach hasn’t changed: “I haven't been ranting and raving. We're not going to panic. What's been happening to us is what happens to every team in baseball. … We're not going to have meetings or all this urgency. It doesn't work that way."

Even with the playoffs temptingly in sight over the next month, his perspective on winning is refreshing, "Either we're good enough or we're not. You have to keep playing. If it's good enough, we'll still be playing in October. If not, we'll go home. We'll find out."

A fitting postscript to the Tigers’ success story comes from Lloyd McClendon, one of Leyland’s players during the Pirates’ glory years who now serves as one of his coaches in Detroit. Recently, he was honored by Little League baseball for hitting a record five home runs in five at-bats as a youngster in the 1971 finals against Taiwan – but his speech focused on another situation, namely being on the mound as Taiwan scored seven runs in the 9th inning and beat his team. "It was a very defining moment in my life when I had my coach and my dad say, 'It's OK, you did the best that you could do and we're very proud of you,"' he said, and went on to say that moment "should be a model for all coaches, all parents and all communities."

So, if you manage people in business, how do you react when they mess something up – even very badly? How much time do you spend coaching them on the mechanics of what they do? And how much respect do they feel from you when they walk in the door each morning? If the attitude and morale in your workplace could be better, take a page from some of the best minds in baseball – currently to be found on the bench at Comerica Park in Detroit – and see what happens.

Sources:
“Tigers Slam Four Homers in Rout of Indians”, AP Sports, 8/27/06
“Tigers' McClendon Honored for Homer Feat”, AP Sports, 8/26/06

The solution to world peace? Ask your spouse.

As a relatively apolitical communications skills author and trainer, one thing sticks out for me in the latest Mideast conflict: how everyone talks past each other and can’t acknowledge the other person’s agenda.

If I’m to believe what I hear in the media, you have a group of insurgents – no, make that freedom fighters – no, make that scummy terrorists – pitted against a government that is defending itself … or overreacting … or wiping out the scourge of terrorism … or invading a sovereign country. And as I listen to this endless parade of partisan pundits, I have one question for all of them.

How did your last argument with your spouse or partner turn out?

When you argue with someone close to you, you try to convince them how wrong they are. Right? And, let me guess – you both get absolutely nowhere until at least one of you starts acknowledging the other person. And then, only when you actually start engaging each other, can you find a way to settle your differences and move on.

I teach workshops on this all the time to people who work with customers. When a customer tells you that your product stinks and that you’re an idiot, most of us defend ourselves – at which point things usually go completely down the tubes. But when you learn the mechanics of acknowledging other people with statements like, “I can tell you’re really frustrated about this,” or “Let’s explore what options we have from here,” magic starts to happen. It’s all simple behavioral psychology.

So now, I turn on the television and hear Jews – whom I like a great deal – and Arabs – whom I also like a great deal – saying things to each other that would never, ever work back home in their own bedrooms. And it would be comical to watch if it wasn’t for so many people getting hurt, killed and made homeless on both sides in the process.

We’ve been here before, of course. I grew up in a Cold War world of “commies” who “hated freedom” and “only understood force.” But then we all started talking, and now suddenly it’s no big deal to visit these places – when I went to China soon after the “Iron Curtain” opened up in the 1980s, I was almost surprised to find myself surrounded by very nice people who didn’t eat their young. And long before that we dealt with another insurgent group who burned ships, incited mob violence, disregarded the conventions of warfare, and were publicly committed to the violent overthrow of the government – but then we settled our differences, and the faces of those people now adorn our currency.

So how will this conflict end? I don’t know. People smarter than me are going to have to figure it out. If it were up to me, I’d probably invite them all over for a barbeque and get them talking – and I’d tell them to bring their spouses. What do you think?

Getting serious for a moment …

Most of the communications skills I talk about, in my books and here on this blog, help you work better with customers and each other. Today, I want to share one from personal experience that could save a few people’s lives.

First, the backstory: This summer, I went in for a routine physical, and a couple of tests came back with very frightening results. I’ll spare you the personal details, but for the past month, I have had to go through a battery of tests to rule out several different kinds of cancer. (Thankfully, I now have a clean bill of health.)

Now, back to the communications skills. Like just about everyone these days – or at least anyone computer-literate enough to be blogging – I went to the Internet to research what was in store for me. What I found was a smattering of official medical information, several postings about how horrible these tests were, and some very scary statements about my prognosis.

I went through the tests anyway (because, as I tell my wife, I have an “un-dying” love for her), but with no small amount of trepidation. In reality, these tests were no big deal at all – even the most invasive one, a prostrate biopsy, was completely painless and over with in a few minutes. Moreover, the doctor was quick to reassure me that my own prospects were far less grim that what I was reading on the Internet.

So now that I’m OK, I want to turn my attention to the people who post messages about their own health experiences. It’s human nature to dramatize the things we go through, once they are over with. It’s like when we were kids at summer camp, and everyone in my tent breathlessly tried to top one another about who had the biggest fight, or the worst bee sting. Except that now, as grown-ups, the stakes are higher. Sadly, I read too many stories on-line about people who dreaded these tests so much that they put off having them – in some cases, waiting until their cancer had spread and their prognosis was poor.

So, if you are one to share with the world what your last fill-in-the-blank-oscopy was like, just remember that real people, making real decisions about their health, are reading your words – and just like I prescribe for customer situations, do your best to reassure people and word things to the other person’s benefit. And finally, a word to everyone, particularly my fellow males – if you aren’t getting regular physicals with blood work and urinalysis, DO IT. Much of the reason that human life expectancy has increased by over 50% over the last century can be summed up in two words: early detection. Take care and be healthy.

***
On a lighter note, the “hat” picture is gone. Tiring of the typical middle-aged-bald-guy-in-a-tie business author photo, I decided to go the stylish route – open collar, light sport coat, and a white Panama hat. Some people thought it was great. Some people thought I looked like a real character. One brave person even ventured that I looked like Colonel Sanders.

So anyway, cooler heads have now prevailed, and a new picture of what I *really* look like (on most days, anyway) is back online at my website of www.rsgallagher.com and my new book’s website at www.greatcustomerconnections.com.

The most profitable thing I write

I take a great deal of pleasure in being a writer and an organizational development trainer – particularly because I am fortunate to make this my full-time livelihood, and have done so for much of the past dozen years.

As you can imagine, this means that I do a great deal of writing – books, articles, presentations, editorials, client projects, you name it. And I love every minute of it. But this week, I was struck by how one kind of writing, ironically one of the shorter things that I do, has probably been more profitable for me than anything. What is it?

Thank you notes.

Long ago, I started following the advice of leading sales trainers to send thank you notes to people, and this has been my personal habit for many years. Anyone who invites me to write or train for them, brings me in for a speaking engagement, hosts me on their radio show, or connects with me in any meaningful way will usually find a thank you note from me in their mail or e-mail less than 24 hours later. And looking back, the connections that these thank you notes have built have grown over time to become the bedrock of what I do.

Ironically, I do not treat thank you notes themselves as a sales opportunity. I never ask for more business, suggest follow-up work, or hint that I’m available for future projects. Instead, the focus is on them – how much I enjoyed working with them, crediting the people who helped make our project a success, and the mentioning the good things I observed about them during our time together. They are simple and come from the heart. I’m doing what our mothers taught all of us to do when someone does us a favor, and take great pleasure in it.

The response to these thank you notes is often very direct. Many people write back and suggest new ways to work together in the future. One radio host in Boston told me that I was his first guest in years to send him a thank you note, and had me back on his show again soon afterwards. And many years ago, a visiting colleague responded to my thank you note with an invitation for an all-expenses-paid trip to teach in China as they were opening up to the West – the experience of a lifetime. Response or no, every single note helps me build better relationships with people I genuinely like and respect.

So, if you don’t do it already, try working more thank you notes into your repertoire, and see what a difference it makes. Oh … and by the way … thank you for reading this!

***

For my friends in the Capital District of New York - come meet me in person this Tuesday, August 8 at Borders Book Store in Saratoga Springs! I will be presenting a free lecture and booksigning at 2 PM, courtesy of the great folks at Borders, who told me that they expected a big crowd because it was a "dark Tuesday". (And I finally figured out what that means - there is no horse racing at Saratoga's famous track that day.) See you there!

Why your service stinks

If you manage people who work with the public, and their attitude and service quality with your customers leave something to be desired, I’ll bet I know why that’s happening. Take this simple quiz:

1. What to you say to an employee who snaps back at a rude customer?
2. A new employee doesn’t reply or make eye contact with people. How do you respond?
3. An important customer is upset because one of your employees dropped the ball. What do you say to this employee afterwards?

If, like most managers, you criticize these people – even in genteel terms – you probably foster an environment where people are much more interested in “covering their assets” than pleasing your customers. And I completely understand why you both act that way. You are following human nature, they are following human nature, but the results lead you both to a place where neither of you really wants to go.

My new book Great Customer Connections covers many novel and effective communications strategies with customers, but one of its most important chapters is on how managers can communicate much more effectively with their own “customers” – e.g. their employees. Here are just a few of its tips:

Speak to the other person’s benefit. We all hate being corrected, but we love learning new skills. Instead of saying “You shouldn’t have talked back to that customer,” try saying things like “I can tell that person was getting under your skin. Tell me about it” and “I know some techniques that can help that go easier next time. Let’s role-play this.”

No criticism. Working with the public is hard enough without the burden of defending yourself. If you create a blame-free zone in your workplace, people will suddenly become very open about what’s happening with customers, and work with you to improve it.

Use the “I” technique. When you put things in your own terms, they become much less threatening. “*I* used to get really frustrated when *I* dealt with customers like that. Here is what *I* learned from it.”

All of these techniques spring from classic behavioral psychology, using techniques with lofty names such as “social cognition” and “modeling”. But more importantly, they really work – and the impact on your service quality, morale and turnover will be profound and dramatic.

***

Special note to my friends in New York state - the Great Customer Connections world tour is coming your way soon, with free lecture and book signing events in cooperation with the great folks at Borders Book Stores. I'll be in beautiful Saratoga Springs on August 8, in Ithaca on August 31 and in Syracuse on Sept. 7. Hope to see you there!

One of my pet peeves

We all have little things that drive us nuts. Here's one of mine - the phrase "You'll have to."

Yesterday I walked into a store, politely asked for help, and was told, "You'll have to wait for one of our technicians to be free." I didn't mind the wait, but it got me thinking how often we hear that statement in public - and how abrasive it is to hear as a customer. (Excuse me, but I don't "have to" do anything, especially for a stranger!)

Most of us probably don't say "you'll have to" out of rudeness. We say it because we are trying to protect ourselves, or set expectations with a customer. But when you examine the meaning of this statement literally, you can see where it breeds a lot of customer resentment right off the bat:

-It tells another person what to do.
-It implies that you have the power in this transaction, not them.
-It doesn't give the customer options.

The irony is that, just by changing a few words, you can turn a curt brushoff into a great customer experience. Let's try a few examples:

Before: You'll have to fill out this form.
After: I'd like to get a little information from you so we can help you better.

Before: You'll have to wait for a technician.
After: I'll have someone out to help you in just a few minutes.

Before: You'll have to wait in line.
After: We're helping people in order in that line, and it shouldn't be more than a short wait.

Perhaps the best example of an alternative to "you'll have to" came when I tried to go to a sold-out Philadelphia Phillies baseball game last year, while I was passing through town. Instead of saying the obvious "We're sold out - you'll have to come back another time," the ticket clerk said, "We'd love to have you see the game. Even though we're sold out, here's what I'd suggest - if you'd like, feel free to check at each of our gates to see if there are any extra tickets. Good luck!"

As it turned out, there were no tickets at any of the gates and I eventually left empty-handed - but every person I dealt with at the ballpark was so polite, upbeat and helpful that it was still a great customer experience. I'll bet you anything that these people were trained about what to say to fans, and it works!

So look critically at times where you are tempted to say "you'll have to" to customers, and start rehearsing new responses that speak to your customers' interests. The difference will be amazing!

***

The Great Customer Connections author tour starts in a few weeks, in cooperation with the delighful folks at Borders Book Stores. The first stops are close to home in my native upstate New York, on August 7 in beautiful Saratoga Springs, August 31 in Ithaca, and September 7 in Syracuse.

These free lecture and book signing events will feature a one-hour workshop that will show you some real, actionable ways to change your communications skills with customers - and you'll have a lot of fun in the process! More dates and areas are coming in the future, so if you'd like me to come to your city, drop me a line at rich-at-rsgallagher.com. Hope to meet a lot of you over the next few months!

Stop saying no to your customers!

Customer service is all about treating people well. But what about those times when you feel you have to say “no” to a customer? I have a novel way to handle these situations – permanently strike the word “no” from your vocabulary!

You see, saying no to customers is part of our natural survival instincts, because we are naturally programmed to defend our turf. But a simple technique makes it easy to make your customers an ally, even when you can’t do exactly what they want. I call it the ‘can-can’, because it involves focusing on what you can acknowledge and can do for the other person.” Here are some examples:

Before: That isn’t my department.
After: I’m glad you came in. I know exactly the right person to handle this.

Before: You can’t get in to see the doctor for two weeks.
After: I’d like to get you in as soon as possible. We do have an opening on Tuesday the week after next, and if you’d like, I can also let you know if there is a cancellation earlier than that.

Before: We don’t give refunds.
After: I’d love to see you to take home something you like. Even though we don’t take returns, I’ll be glad to give you a discount on another item.

Even in the most extreme situations, you can use the can-can to change the way people react to you. Let’s say, for example, you just towed away someone who is illegally parked, and they aren’t happy about it! Compare these two responses:

Before: “Sorry, you shouldn’t have parked there, and you’ll have to pay a fine.”
After: “I get frustrated when things like this happen to me, so I know how you feel. If you have a credit card, we can charge a small fee and send you on your way right now.”

In almost any customer situation, you can dramatically change your customer’s reactions by changing the mechanics of what you say – which, in turn, will make a real change in your business’s bottom line.

***

Hello to everyone in England! My new book Great Customer Connections has now been released in the United Kingdom through AMACOM and McGraw-Hill, and is available at major outlets including Tesco, W.H. Smith, and of course Amazon.co.uk. As you say over there, hope you're all "chuffed" with it!

Good customer connections help you sell more - a *lot* more!

So sayeth Business Week magazine, who just reviewed my new book Great Customer Connections in this week's issue, alongside another great book The Art of Connecting by Claire Raines and Lara Ewing.

In her article "Connections that Close Deals," Business Week's sales columnist Michelle Nichols (www.savvyselling.com) makes the very accurate point that sales skills aren't enough nowadays - to stand out in today's multi-channel world, you need to make personal connections with people. Between the first book's focus on finding ways to build bridges with other people's wants, needs, and interests, and my book's techniques for speaking to a customer's agenda in even difficult situations, she makes it clear that personal relationships help you close a lot more sales. It's a great article, and you can read it here.

There are a couple of truly master salespeople in my own family, and connecting with people is their mantra - one constantly reads magazines ranging from the far left to the far right, so he can empathize with everyone's views, while another even donated blood when his client's wife needed surgery. Neither looks at their connection skills cynically as sales techniques - they genuinely like and respect everyone who crosses their paths, and the result has been extraordinarily successful careers.

So, the secret to sales success is really simple: (1) build connections with other people, and (2) buy my book!

***

P.S. A special note to my friends on the other side of "the pond" - Great Customer Connections is being published in the United Kingdom next month, with a release date of July 1, through AMACOM and McGraw Hill. It will be available in all major outlets including Tesco, W.H. Smith, and Amazon UK. Enjoy!