Some people's midlife crises involve sports cars or
beautiful women. Mine involved deciding, in my 50s, to become a practicing psychotherapist.
Today I am proud to announce getting my New York State clinical
license in marriage and family therapy. As
long as I behave myself and pay my renewal fees, I am now officially a
therapist for the rest of my life. (Until now, I have been practicing under a
supervised "learner's permit" that expires for good this year.) This marks the
end of a long journey, and I couldn't be happier.
For me, this was always the path not taken, and one that
called to me even as I pursued a seemingly more practical career (and my
family's tradition) in technology. I even had a dual major in psychology as a
Cornell engineering student in the 1970s, and was genuinely torn whether to become
an engineer or a therapist. It was a heady time when people started to explore
human potential and inner space, when I thought psychotherapists were the
coolest people in the world. And I still do.
When I first started down this road in 2005, volunteering as
a crisisline counselor, this was my dirty little secret - a Walter Mitty life I
didn't tell most people about. When I started graduate school in 2007, videotaping my
first counseling assignment, I
felt like a rookie football player walking into an NFL locker room for the
first time. And by the time I started my clinical practicum in 2009 - by which
time I was seeing clients two days a week, as I do now - my secret was finally
out.
So how do I feel after finishing graduate school and close
to four years of supervised practice? First of all, I enjoy doing this as much
as I thought I would. Ever since I was a young child wanting to become a
Catholic priest when I grew up, my real goal in life was to help people be
happier - not just write software and feed the cats and pay the mortgage. So
for me this is an affirmation of life, as I transition to retirement in a few
short years.
People often tell me,
"I couldn't do counseling. Who wants to listen to other people's problems
all day?" While it does have its moments, my experience is generally the
opposite. Good therapy is a process of happymaking, and most people leave
feeling better than when they came in. At least with me, a surprising amount of
laughter takes place in session, even in some very serious situations. Even
though this is very secular work, it often feels like we are creating a sacred
space for people to be heard and understood, learn new skills, and make
positive and fundamental life changes.
This work helps me too. It has introduced me to a larger
community of therapists that has been incredibly generous of spirit with me, including
three clinical supervisors (for my practicum in NY, my internship in PA, and my
postgraduate clinical work) who have been the best and kindest mentors I could
ever ask for. It dovetails nicely with my "day job" writing and
speaking about communications skills. It opens up a whole new world of fascinating
conferences and workshops. And yes, the things I have learned working with
others benefit my own mental health and wellness.
From here, I hope to keep learning and growing. I already
have a bucket list of things to explore further, ranging from my current
specialty of treating anxiety disorders (my colleagues joke that I've become
the "anxiety guy" at my current clinic) to going on retreat and exploring
the nexus between psychotherapy and spirituality (another interest from my
wannabe-priest days). Above all, I hope to keep doing well by my current and
future clients, because that is what this is really all about. My sincere thanks to
everyone who has supported me on this journey.
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